yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
