I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
