My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
