I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
