Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
