first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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