sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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