I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
