Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
