So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
