I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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