It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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