My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
