I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
