That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
