Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
