I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
