Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
