Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
