so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
