Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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