You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
