I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
