I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
