Three words: puerto rican gang bang
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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