He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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