I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
