That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
