i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
