I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
