get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
