I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
