Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
