You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
