and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do herpes really smell.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My liver just had a heart attack.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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