What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
