the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
