Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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