Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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