A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
