Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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