Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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