I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
