I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
