It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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