If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
