Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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