I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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