im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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