She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
