1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
