Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
