my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
