We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
