it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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