I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
