We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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